eidolon

[Sunday, November 26, 2006]

Listening to the Wind.

I can hear my dad snoring as though he's right beside me, even though he's actually down the hall. The vents carry the sound, rumbling tumbling through the ducts until they spill out into my bedroom and I feel like my dad is sleeping near me like he used to when I was little and had a bad dream. There's something comforting about the sound of your parents' sleeping. The smell of their slumber. It doesn't change with time, even though you get bigger and badder. I'm still in the same bedroom I was in when I was little, in the same bed, with the same puppy poster on the wall that I got from Scholastic book orders.

I like Thanksgiving.

Posted by ink | 12:31 AM

[Thursday, November 16, 2006]

Snapshot.

We had to take a picture to register for the USMLE (U.S. Medical Licensing Exam) Step 1 in June - only the most important test I'll be taking in medical school. Funny how every test seems to be "the most important test", but I suppose each standardized test does seem to have an undue influence on the direction your life heads. This is just the next level up.

As I got the official school seal stamped over the bottom half of my face, I took at look at Second Year Ink and realized that I looked exhausted. Bags under my eyes. Hair in general disarray. Funny, I thought I was having a good day when I took that picture. It's a miracle anyone dates me if I look like this on a daily basis.

First thing on my list - get some serious sleep. After this Physical Diagnosis exam coming up next week.

Posted by ink | 1:48 PM

[Monday, November 13, 2006]

Birthdays.

It's his birthday this weekend, and it's that odd period of time where you haven't been dating long enough to really have any idea what to get him. So, I've decided to take him out to dinner and make him birthday cupcakes. I'm a little petrified of poisoning him by mistake, but I hear the instant stuff pretty safe. Except the store seems to be out of cupcake mix. I only saw cake mix and muffin mix. So it looks like I'll have to start over at square one.

Posted by ink | 10:59 PM

[Saturday, November 11, 2006]

Ignorace is bliss.

Med school has a way of taking the fun out of things. It's taken all my favorite things in life and stamped on them.

Sushi:
Protozoa Akiasis. This can give you stomach upset, cause nausea, and vomiting. For days.

Swimming in naturally heated freshwater lakes:
Protozoa Naegleria Fowleri. This little critter enters your body when you get water in your nose. Then it goes to your brain and kills you within 3-5 days. Even with treatment, the prognosis is grim.

Dogs and cats:
Toxoplasma gondii: If you're preggers and have cats in the house, this can give your baby all sorts of brain problems.

Toxocara: Also found in cat poop. If you have AIDS, this is a bad one. It makes you blind. And all because you cleaned the kitty litter box.

On a different note - Frank the Rabbit (my fish) is still alive! This Christmas will mark our 1-year anniversary. I'm very excited that I've managed to keep another living thing alive for a full year! Next step: a plant.

Posted by ink | 11:20 AM

[Wednesday, November 01, 2006]

Around the corner and back again.

I think Tad and I have turned a corner. Or perhaps more accurately, I've turned a corner. Nothing really has changed. He still calls as often as he used to, and he's just as affectionate with me as he used to be, but I've become more comfortable with it the more I've gotten to know him. I think kissing has made a huge difference, at least in my book. It made me more comfortable with the physical affection since it broke the tension a bit and it seems more natural for him to be touching me now. I spent the night at his place on Halloween. There was no booty to be had since we were both tired (is this what med school relationships are like?), and there was no sleep to be had either.

It was nice to sleep with someone again, but I forgot how stifling it can be to try to turn over within a tangle of someone's arms, and how hot you can get when someone's lying so close to you. The only time my pants came off in the middle of the night was when I took them off myself because I was slowly roasting to death between him, the down comforter, and the dog. I'd do it again though, even despite the allergies I had to his cat. At some point, one has to get used to these types of things. Like his snoring.

Though I've always known that he really likes me (at least for now), it really struck home last night. I think because I'm seeing him now as a person who has legitimate feelings instead of a potentially obsessive neighbor. He said that he hopes I'll stick around for a little while. He says he knows he feels this way because I've started popping up in songs. I was confused at first. My name isn't usually a part of songs because it's hard to find words that rhyme with it. But he meant that songs remind him of me. And for the first time so far, it didn't freak me out. So we laid there and listened to a few songs. Even if it's not really an official anything, it felt like an official something. At least to my untrained senses.

It's been so long since I've dated someone semi-seriously that I'm not sure I remember how to do it properly. Not the piddly-whatever-dating I've been doing. I think there might be a lot to think about. Like his feelings. And there might be stuff I'm supposed to be doing to make him feel appreciated.

The last time I dated someone seriously - I was 19. Back then, I wanted to have sex a lot, and my boyfriend thought I was a keeper. Sex could make up for a lot of things. I feel like you can't do that at 26. How do grown-up relationships work anyways?

Posted by ink | 10:26 PM