What do you want to be when you grow up?

Sometimes I look in the mirror and I'm surprised by how much of my parents I see in myself. My mother's eyes. My dad's square jawline. In Chinese culture, the "gua zhi lian" is idealized. The "watermelon seed face". Long, oval, with a pointy chin. It's so idealized, in fact, that my mother took specific pains to place me on my stomach when I was a baby, so I could "sleep" my way to a longer face. I was a fat-faced, round-faced, moon-headed baby. She's very proud of herself and mentions it whenever she can. Little did she realize though, that genetics kick in even late in life. My cousin Harry and my brother were the spitting images of each other when they were little. Almost exchangeable, except my brother was a lot more cheeky and less well-behaved. Now, in their 20's, they couldn't be any more different. Like my dad, my brother became a square-faced young man. And like my uncle, Harry became more pointed. I, also, squared out a lot in my 20's. Evidence of my father's fingerprint even though he wasn't really around when we were growing up.

My mother used to lie in bed and put her feet up against the wall. Elevating them because her calves ached. I'd do the same - placing my 10 year old legs beside hers, and I'd look a them and marvel... Would my legs ever be that big?

.....Yes. Without a doubt. I have my mother's body. The same trouble areas in the tummy, and the same proportions. And when I prop my own legs up now, it's like seeing double. My mother's legs superimposed over mine in time. Was she like this when she was younger? Before she became the stressed-out, over-anxious, pill-popping woman that she is now. Did she ever imagine she'd become like this? What is to happen to me?

Now that I'm older, I have a greater sense of mortality, a greater understanding of my parents as human beings and not minor demi-gods, and a better idea of what human hope and desire consists of. All young people want to change the world and make a difference somewhere. Who doesn't? But what happens to all the people who fall by the wayside and don't become Paul Farmer. They become one of the masses, producing 2.5 children, their lives delineated by the boundaries of a white picket fence. But is that really such a terrible thing? Because beneath the veneer of everyday and the trappings of the common man, is still a desire to make a difference and leave something behind to mark their presence in this world, however brief. And I am that effort. I have become their hopes and dreams. I represent all the goals they didn't pursue because they had to raise me instead, all the sacrifices they made - financial and personal. Who doesn't want to change the world when they grow up? Are we so blind as to think that our parents were never like us at one point - young and full of ideas and ambition?

At some point, they decided that my brother and I were loftier goals to pursue than the chase for becoming a hero. Millions of people make that same choice every day. Setting behind them their higher educations and hippie ideals to play domestic. There is only one Paul Farmer. He's a hero to Haiti, but never sees his family. Could so many others be wrong? When I look at myself in the mirror and see my mom and dad in myself, I realize that I too, am a labor of love. And there is nothing wrong in not saving the world. Because within all of our choices, some more well-concealed than others with minivans and soccer games, lies the same ideal of leaving something worthwhile behind. The only difference is whether you leave an organization that will continue good work when you're gone, or a small child who represents your love, your genetic heritage, and who will carry around a piece of you for the rest of their lives. Can you really say that one is worthier than the other?